5 Tips for Surviving the Winter Holidays as a Neurodivergent Human

Written By Noah Cason

The Winter holidays are often celebrated as “The most wonderful time of the year.” But if you’re neurodivergent, they might be more accurately described as “The most dysregulating time of the year.” Increased social demand, changes in routine, crowded stores, and pressure to keep up and “be jolly” are just a few of the ways the winter holidays can be hard on folks with neurodivergent brains. As a therapist, I spend a lot of time November-January supporting my clients to feel more empowered to spend this time doing what is nurturing for them and advocating for their needs through the holiday season. Through my experience with clients I can assure you that you are not alone in feeling extra distress around this time of year. Here are a few tips for navigating holiday overwhelm. 

Firstly,  acknowledge what you are feeling. A simple, non-judgmental “The holidays are hard for me.” will do. Notice there is no morality attached to this statement - it simply acknowledges what is. If you feel comfortable, going a step further and placing your hand over your heart and giving yourself a soothing message like “it’s okay that this is hard for me” or “a lot of people struggle during this time” is a great way to practice self-compassion.

Now that you’ve taken some time to acknowledge your feelings around the upcoming holiday season, let’s dive into some compassionate action steps. 

First, find out more information about your holiday plan. Knowing what to expect can help decrease anxiety and helps you create a plan for how to tackle the time in a way that works best for you. Try to gather information about the basics such as location, time, guest list, and planned activities well in advance. 

 Now that you have some idea of the holiday plan, let’s walk through a few tips using a neurodivergent-affirming and self-compassionate lens. 

  • TIP #1: Be mindful about your unique “energy bank”. 


This is your neurodivergent-affirming reminder that ~ it is okay to have different energy levels than others. ~

‘Energy accounting’, a concept and tool developed by Autistic educator and writer Maja Toudal, is a practice of being intentional about how you manage and navigate your day to mitigate overwhelm. 


Take a look at your holiday plan and take account of what pieces of the plan will feel relaxing or energizing to you, and which parts of the plan will likely be draining. Make a list of potential energy drains and energy restorers for your specific holiday plan and consider how to minimize drains and maximize restorers.

Example holiday energy accounting list - 

Potential Energy Drains

( - ) “Small talk” with extended family

( - )Loud environment at dinner

( - )Being misgendered by family members

Potential Energy Restorers

( + )Holiday craft time

( + )Taking a walk alone with music 

( + )Seeing holiday lights


  • TIP #2: Set boundaries & use accommodations

    These two go hand and hand with monitoring your energy bank. I encourage you to be curious about how this holiday plan could be more accessible for you. Consider both your energy and sensory needs. Are there parts of the plan that you would rather decline? Using noise-dampening earbuds, wearing your comfort clothing item, spending time with your interests, and taking walks or breaks are a few examples of accommodations to incorporate into your holiday plans.

    Examples of boundaries:
    “I won’t be attending brunch, but I will be there for the family dinner.”

    “I need extra alone time to recharge, so I am going to drive myself to the gathering instead of carpool”.

    “I hear that you are excited to get to Grandma’s house, but I need to take a walk and spend time with [my supportive person] before I leave the house.”

  • TIP #3: Identify your allies at the gathering, and if there aren’t any - is there a friend you can text or facetime with to check in?

    Allies could be cousins, children, pets, siblings or anyone who you can connect with who either “Gets it” or can offer comfort and distraction.


  • TIP #4: Plan your potential “calm place” breaks, and take them BEFORE you need them!

    (Break Example: If you’re able, offer to walk the dog or engage in other pet care, Go to the bathroom just to breathe and be alone for a few minutes, offer to drive to pick up coffee/treats for extra alone time, Hangout at the kids table, etc.)

  • TIP #5: If being around family members comes with feeling misunderstood or unsupported, Incorporate affirming experiences to the greatest extent possible. (example: wearing subtle pieces of clothing or accessories, listening to podcast or affirming music before and afterward, voice recordings of friends saying affirming messages, notes to self in phone, affirming book to read during alone time, etc.)


And remember, you are worthy of respect even if your family doesn’t “get it” or “get you”. ❤️ 


Once the holiday plans are over, don’t forget to plan some extra time for decompression and after-care. Us Neurodivergent folks often need extra time to recover from the holidays in comparison to our neurotypical friends and family members (and that is totally valid and okay).

Noah Cason